It's been extremely slow at work lately.
In fact, it's so slow, that 99% of the calls lately have been telemarketers. Not my favorite call.
Yesterday I got two that went something like this:
Me: Good morning, Allied Gate.
Caller: shufflescrapeslithermumblerustle....
Me: Hello. This is Allied Gate, how can I help you?
Caller: Do you speak Spanish?
Me: No.
**Click**
About 45 minutes later.
Me: Good morning, Allied Gate.
Caller: shufflescrapeslithermumblerustle....
Me: Hello. This is Allied Gate, how can I help you?
Caller: Do you speak Spanish?
Me: No.
**Click**
Me: (to the phone) I don't speak fucking SPANISH!! Do YOU speak ENGLISH???!!!
Then L tells me that next time they call let him talk to them. (He's a white boy who speaks fluent Spanish)
Like, what is he going to do? Listen to their sales pitch, in Spanish? Then tell them we're not interested?
So he then tells me, okay, if they call again and ask if I speak Spanish say "Sí". When they start rambling say "No comprendé". If they ask again do I speak Spanish, again say "Sí". When they start talking again, again say, "No comprendé", and keep doing that until they hang up.
What a brilliant idea!! They never asked if I spoke fluent Spanish.
(Now I really want them to call back!)
6/30/11
6/27/11
Classic
While watching TV the other night, R was snacking on the last crumbs at the bottom of a bag of Tostitos tortilla chips. When she was finished, she was reading the package.
A side note; some may think this is odd, R reading the bag of chips, but I spent my childhood reading everything. I would read the cereal boxes. Every last word on them. And shampoo bottles. You name it, I read it. So I thought it was funny to see R was reading an empty chip bag.
Anyway, she said that if you scanned the UPC label, you would find out their secret or something to that effect.
So I downloaded a scanner app onto my iPhone and scanned it to find out what we were missing.
It didn't find the product. Turns out, it only scans non-food items costing more than $10.
So to see if this scanner really worked, I looked around for something with a UPC label on it. The closest available item, that didn't require me to get up from my massage chair, was a Boggle game.
So I scanned it.
Turns out, we are the proud owners of a Classic 1999 Boggle game worth as much as $91.99! (Of course that's for a NEW Boggle game, but still....)
Now, seriously, who would spend $92 for a Boggle game?? Sure it's fun to play.
But $92??
You'd have to be out of your gourd to pay that!
Bonus - how many words can you find in 3 minutes from the letters above???
A side note; some may think this is odd, R reading the bag of chips, but I spent my childhood reading everything. I would read the cereal boxes. Every last word on them. And shampoo bottles. You name it, I read it. So I thought it was funny to see R was reading an empty chip bag.
Anyway, she said that if you scanned the UPC label, you would find out their secret or something to that effect.
So I downloaded a scanner app onto my iPhone and scanned it to find out what we were missing.
It didn't find the product. Turns out, it only scans non-food items costing more than $10.
So to see if this scanner really worked, I looked around for something with a UPC label on it. The closest available item, that didn't require me to get up from my massage chair, was a Boggle game.
So I scanned it.
Turns out, we are the proud owners of a Classic 1999 Boggle game worth as much as $91.99! (Of course that's for a NEW Boggle game, but still....)
Now, seriously, who would spend $92 for a Boggle game?? Sure it's fun to play.
But $92??
You'd have to be out of your gourd to pay that!
Bonus - how many words can you find in 3 minutes from the letters above???
6/19/11
Spies among us
Last night S was going out with H to a friend's birthday costume party. I knew from his Facebook status that it was going to be a drinking party. (Yes, I stalk my kids on Facebook. How the hell do you think I know what they're up to??)
So before she left, I told her to please be smart and not drink. And don't let H drink. And for God's sake DO NOT get in the car if H does drink.
Now just for a moment let's get real here. She's 17, nearly 18. I'm sure she drank. It might've been a sip or two. It might've been a whole beer. I don't know. But I'm sure she drank more than just water. Let's face it, we've all been there. Some of us made good choices, some not so good, but we survived. Sometimes by the skin of our teeth!
Anyway, what was my point? Oh, yeah, after my little "behave" speech, she and H set out to this costume, birthday, beer pong party. (okay, I'm not sure there was beer pong, but most likely there was.) I never heard her come in last night (usually I do), but I checked in on her at 6 this morning and she was crashed out in her bed.
Here's where I had a weird, creepy, ingenious thought. I thought. "I should tip toe to her bed, lean over her face and sniff to see if she smells like alcohol."
Could you imagine, suddenly waking up and there's your your mother hovering over you sniffing at you like a bloodhound?? It would scare the shit outta me!!
So I didn't do it.
Because, you know, trust is a two way street.
So before she left, I told her to please be smart and not drink. And don't let H drink. And for God's sake DO NOT get in the car if H does drink.
Now just for a moment let's get real here. She's 17, nearly 18. I'm sure she drank. It might've been a sip or two. It might've been a whole beer. I don't know. But I'm sure she drank more than just water. Let's face it, we've all been there. Some of us made good choices, some not so good, but we survived. Sometimes by the skin of our teeth!
Anyway, what was my point? Oh, yeah, after my little "behave" speech, she and H set out to this costume, birthday, beer pong party. (okay, I'm not sure there was beer pong, but most likely there was.) I never heard her come in last night (usually I do), but I checked in on her at 6 this morning and she was crashed out in her bed.
Here's where I had a weird, creepy, ingenious thought. I thought. "I should tip toe to her bed, lean over her face and sniff to see if she smells like alcohol."
Could you imagine, suddenly waking up and there's your your mother hovering over you sniffing at you like a bloodhound?? It would scare the shit outta me!!
So I didn't do it.
Because, you know, trust is a two way street.
6/18/11
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