Making changes

This post is long over due. A lot has happened since my last ramblings, many moons ago. And since it's 12:27, Wednesday morning and I can't sleep, I'm going attempt to write it down.

The first big, major change in my life has been the separation, and ultimately my divorce. I won't go into detail, because what happened between Sean and I is just that; between Sean and I. I will, however, say that it was a long time coming and has given me a strength I never realized I had.

I'm not one who welcomes change. In fact, I really don't like it. I'm a creature of habit and am rarely, if ever, spontaneous. I've been scared to do anything that's out of my comfort zone, but there comes a time in one's life when they must take the bull by the horns and change their behavior.
That time came this past January when I realized I was extremely unhappy with the direction my life and marriage was going in. It was not an easy decision for me to make by any means, but one I had to make in order to move forward with my life and be happy.

And I am.


I can't remember the last time I was this happy. It's like a huge weight has been lifted off my chest. Oh, don't get me wrong, occasionally that weight comes back, trying to crush me. But I've got my mind set on it not getting the best of me again. And that, my friends, is a big step for me.

The younger 2 girls are living with their dad, and that has been another big change I had to learn to live with. When you've had your kids around you 24/7 since birth, taking care of their every need, letting go is not so easy. It's weird not having them here all the time. Having to feed them. Carting them here and there all the time. Spending evenings together watching our favorite shows. Talking. But hardest of all was the letting go and allowing their father to learn to take care of them. His way.

Having a great support system in my family and close friends has been a huge help. Just knowing they are there for me to vent to, knowing they have a shoulder ready for me to cry on, and open hearts and minds to give me advice makes all the difference in the world.

Well, for now, I'm signing off and going to attempt to get some sleep. Be safe. Be well. And be happy.