Dear Family,

Please be considerate of those in the household who are vertically challenged (me) and not push the laundry detergent to the back of the shelf that is already a foot above said housemates head. 
Thank you.

The Shortest Person in the House


Dear People Who Take Mirror Pics,

I must speak up about your horrible pictures.  They are not at all attractive.

Not in the very least.

So I feel it's my duty to give you some pointers on what not to do in your mirror pics.

1.  This is the most important step to taking a mirror pic ~ CLEAN THE MIRROR!

2.  Clean off your sink/vanity.  I understand bathrooms can be small and short on storage space, but for the love of God, please take your lotion, tampons, shampoo and Vaseline off the counter.

3.  Put the toilet seat and lid down.  We really do not need to see your shitty toilet.

4.  Look behind you.  The background is as important as your ugly face.  If you're trying to look like a Gangsta, taking a pic in your little sister's My Little Pony themed room does not help your image.  At all.

5.  Stop with the duck lips and booty tooch already.  You look stupid. 

6.  Stop with the gang hand gestures/peace sign crap.  Again, you look stupid.

7.  Stop grabbing your crotch and/or boobs.  It just looks like you have crabs and are itching.

8.  Public restroom mirror pics never look good and there is no reason for them.  Unless the restroom is really awesome looking and so are you.

9.  Put some clothes on!  Especially if you're not in the best shape.  And make sure they fit!

10.  Taking a mirror pic with your laptop web cam or iPad looks retarded.  Stop.

11.  Last but not least, if you're trying to take a sexy pic (BTW - mirror pics are hardly ever sexy) make sure your kid is not right behind you while you're whipping out that boob.

And to prove to you you can take a good mirror pic, here's a perfect example:

Someone who knows how to take a mirror pic


Are You There God, It's Me Margaret

I'm cranky, craving, and bloated. My hair looks like shit, I have break-outs on my chin and none of my clothes fit right.

God! It's like I'm 15 again!


Picture of the Day

john cena
Click image for larger view


Monkey Bread

Have you ever heard of this?  I saw a recipe for monkey bread about 2 years ago, but never took the time to make it.  Plus, it takes 3 packages of refrigerated biscuits, and that wasn't always in the budget.

Well, last week, the biscuits were on sale for .89 cents a can, so I decided it was time to make us some monkey bread.  Plus, it's probably the easiest recipe around!!

WARNING!  This is not a diet food!!!

Here is what you'll need:

1 C granulated sugar
1/2 C brown sugar
3 cans buttermilk biscuits (make sure they're not the flaky ones)
1 C (2 sticks) of butter
2-3 tsp cinnamon
a bundt pan
Preheat the oven to 350 degrees.

Pop open the cans of biscuits and cut them in quarters.  I tried doing a stack of them, but they just stuck together.  It takes a little longer, but it works best if cut individually.

Now, be careful while cutting the biscuits that you don't cut your thumb.  (Don't worry Mom, I just trimmed my nail this time!)

Now, if you have it, grab a big gallon zip loc bag and fill it with the sugar and cinnamon.  I didn't have a baggie, so I used the largest bowl I had with a lid.  Next throw in the cut up biscuits and toss to coat.

Put the sugar coated pieces in the bundt pan.  Or if you're like me and don't have a bundt pan and don't want to spend $19.99 on one you'll use only once, you can put them in a pie tin, or cake pan.  I bought some cheap disposable tin pans.  I had to put the biscuits in 2 pans so the middle pieces would cook through.

This pan was too full....

Meanwhile, add the butter and brown sugar to a pan and melt over med-low heat, stirring until all one color.  Basically, you're making caramel.

Once the butter and sugar are melted and one color, pour over the biscuits.  Sugar overload for sure!!

This might be the difficult part for some, but a necessary step.  Put pan(s) in the oven and wait 35-45 minutes for all that sugary sweetness to caramelize and the biscuits to cook.

When the biscuits are cook through, remove and let cool for a few minutes.  Once a tad cool, flip pan over onto a plate to release the bread so it's upside down.

Hold the kids and husband back for just a little longer until the bread is cool enough so when they start tearing at it, they won't burn their fingers!

The kids and Sean loved it, and "snacked" on it all day.  I had a couple pieces from the bottom without the caramel, which made it way too sweet for me.

So, if you have a severe sweet tooth one day, maybe give this easy recipe a try.



Tonight after dinner ~

D: (Coming into the kitchen with a blanket wrapped around her head.)  Look Mom, I'm from Arabic!

Me:  Don't you mean Arabia?  Arabic is a nationality.  And a font.


Offspring Disapproval

The other day ~

R: Mom, you have over 1000 photos on your phone and about 1/3 of them are of clouds.  That's ridiculous.


Summer of '85

Dear Mom,

Remember that summer right after I graduated? The one where I spent the entire time sleeping? I can now totally relate to how much it drove you crazy.

Your daughter who now has one of her own
who is doing the same thing.



"He can jump that high because he's a ballerino."

~ Explained by Savvy to her sisters.

Just because

I'm their mother and I can....

She really needs to let me take more pictures of her....

She really needs to stop taking so many pictures of herself....

She really needs to stop looking so serious in all her pictures....
All photos taken with the iPhone 4 and edited in Frame Magic.



Me:  Would you like me to cook some kielbasa, rice and veggies?

R:  Yeah.  But can you wait and not make it until 5:00.

Me:  Okay.  What time is now?

R: 4:49


A Pictorial

It was beautiful this morning, so D & I decided to get out of the house and take a walk to the park next to the house.

Instead of clogging up this post with words, I will let the photos do all the talking.

To see all the photos from our morning at the park click here

Picture of the Day

john cena
Click image for larger view

The other day

Me:  Are you drawing a scary face on the pumpkin?

Levi:  Yeah.  Sure.

Me: (Glancing over at his work) No you're not.  You're drawing 'Allied Gate'.

Levi:  No.  You're drawing 'Allied Gate'.

Me: Nah.  I'm cutting.  'Cause I'm all Emo and shit.

(Don't worry. I was simply cutting paper with a paper cutter)



While I wait at work for Sean, I need to vent.

If you follow me on Facebook, you've heard just a few of my rants on one of my co-workers.  But I need to vent in more than 140 words!!

We have a salesman who has been in sales for at least 15 years, and selling custom iron doors for probably 8 of those years.  Yet he STILL can't get the simplest things right.

It really, really bugs the shit out of me when an adult acts like they can't do anything for themselves.  And I think this guy (let's just call him Will) has managed to play the "poor ol' me who doesn't know how to do it" for so long, he thinks everyone will fall for it.

But he picked the wrong person to try it on.

I've know Will for about 4 years (we both worked together for another company) and I can't figure out if he was always this bad, or has just gotten worse over the years.  One of the things he's started doing is walking up to my desk while I'm eating lunch, hitting me on the arm repeatedly, and saying "Gimme some of those."  Now don't get me wrong, I'm willing to share, but I don't even let my kids pull that shit, and I sure as hell won't take it from a co-worker!!  And Will is so hyper-sensitive, so when I tell him to go pound salt and get his own food, he thinks I'm mad at him and hate him.

He just doesn't get it that I don't hate him, I hate some of what he does.  But lately, he's been getting on my last nerve.

Last week I seriously wanted to smack him upside the head so many times it probably would've given him a concussion!!

Levi and I have worked together to create our own invoices for sales, and sadly, we always think of how we can make it "Will proof".  I have never know a grown person who could so royally screw up a simple invoice as much as he can!  So we've made them all idiot Will proof.  Yet he still can't get it right.

Our GM had a meeting with him the end of last week and told him that if his paperwork isn't in order, he will not get his full commission.  So now the dumb ass thinks he has to come into the office and re-wright his paperwork so it's neat enough for me.  Yes, I have to be able to read it and the numbers have to be added up correctly, but it's mostly for the client.  They should be able to look at their paperwork and see exactly what the cost of everything is, exactly what their discounts are, and exactly what they're getting; upgrades included.  A concept that Will has a major problem grasping.  Even though I've told him several times.

And don't even get me going on his Ebonics.  Will is a 51 year old black man who wants everyone to think he's not ghetto and very intelligent. He has gone so far as to list himself on his Facebook page as "VP of Sales" for a custom iron company!  Now, I realize many people embellish their info on Facebook, but there is no way in hell he would ever make VP of sales.  I have a better chance of that position than he does!!  He likes to find a word of the day and use it.  Which is great.  Except when you throw it in a sentence where he also says "You can have a wreef hook and your color choice of hartware on boff doors."

Yeah.  That makes you sound all edjamakaded!

One day he was in the office while Levi, the GM & I were shooting the breeze, when he pulls out a composition notebook and starts flipping through the pages.  The GM asks "What you got there, Will?"  He tells us it's a book of inspirational/witty sayings he has thought up.  One of them was "My mother's wisdom is the salve I place upon her absence from my life."  I'm sorry, I've know him long enough to know he did not make that up.  I told the guys he probably Googled inspirational quotes or some such thing and wrote a bunch of them in his note book!

Thank goodness this week has ended.  Maybe next week he will be less irritating.

Though I doubt it.


Random Thought

Why don't guys just learn to pee with the seat down?

That would end a lot of arguments...