Last night

Me: ....How's that possible, you don't even have a job!

S: Oh! I have an "interview" this Thursday with the Manager to get my old job back. I know I've got it, because I always get whatever I want!

Me: Then why are you still living with your mother?

S: ....



I never thought I'd be one of those parents who had to drop their kids off, or pick them up, from Dad's house. But now I am.

And it feels weird.

I'm still not used to it. Driving over to the Ex's place, waiting for the kids to come out, then heading back to my place. Or driving them to cheer practice. A friend's house. Tumbling. School. Wherever.

All those things I've done hundreds of times before. From my house. Where they lived. With me.

And dropping them off is the weirdest.

Don't ask me why. It just still feels odd. When I drop them off, I drive off thinking, "I'm now one of those Moms who has to pick their kid up and drop them off at their Dad's. I'm now a statistic."

I'm working on getting over it.

I have, however, adjusted quite well to being single. In fact, I'm loving it!!
I have never lived by myself (And, technically, I'm still not, since the oldest is with me.), I went from my father's house to living with the Ex. But living (nearly) alone is so great! It's nice to come home to the house in the same way I left it. Or nearly the same way. S has a habit of stock-piling dishes in her room, then days (or weeks) later piling them up on the counter above the dishwasher. And I've come home a few times to find food I was saving for dinner or lunch has disappeared. If only I can get rid of my 'Roommate From Hell" then being single will totally be awesome!!!

As much as my sister and mother have been there for me through all this, I'm so glad I have my co-worker L as a good friend. My family has given me some good advice, and has listened to my venting, but getting a guy's point of view, especially about other guys, is the best thing ever! And he has been just as supportive as my family has. Maybe even more so. After all, he did take me out a few weekends ago because he said I REALLY needed to get laid, so he was going to help me with that! (Don't worry, nothing happened other than some good times with friends. Bar guys are not really my thing.) Eventually, though, I might actually get out there and start dating.

But for now, I'm going to enjoy my freedom and the fact I'm not "tied" to anyone.

Other than my kids.


Making changes

This post is long over due. A lot has happened since my last ramblings, many moons ago. And since it's 12:27, Wednesday morning and I can't sleep, I'm going attempt to write it down.

The first big, major change in my life has been the separation, and ultimately my divorce. I won't go into detail, because what happened between Sean and I is just that; between Sean and I. I will, however, say that it was a long time coming and has given me a strength I never realized I had.

I'm not one who welcomes change. In fact, I really don't like it. I'm a creature of habit and am rarely, if ever, spontaneous. I've been scared to do anything that's out of my comfort zone, but there comes a time in one's life when they must take the bull by the horns and change their behavior.
That time came this past January when I realized I was extremely unhappy with the direction my life and marriage was going in. It was not an easy decision for me to make by any means, but one I had to make in order to move forward with my life and be happy.

And I am.


I can't remember the last time I was this happy. It's like a huge weight has been lifted off my chest. Oh, don't get me wrong, occasionally that weight comes back, trying to crush me. But I've got my mind set on it not getting the best of me again. And that, my friends, is a big step for me.

The younger 2 girls are living with their dad, and that has been another big change I had to learn to live with. When you've had your kids around you 24/7 since birth, taking care of their every need, letting go is not so easy. It's weird not having them here all the time. Having to feed them. Carting them here and there all the time. Spending evenings together watching our favorite shows. Talking. But hardest of all was the letting go and allowing their father to learn to take care of them. His way.

Having a great support system in my family and close friends has been a huge help. Just knowing they are there for me to vent to, knowing they have a shoulder ready for me to cry on, and open hearts and minds to give me advice makes all the difference in the world.

Well, for now, I'm signing off and going to attempt to get some sleep. Be safe. Be well. And be happy.


A couple of minutes ago....

R: What are you making?

Me: Mexican pizza & cupcakes.

D: What're the cupcakes for?

Me: It's Derrick's birthday tomorrow.

R: Are you making chocolate because he's black?


A minute ago....

R: I told Mom she should let you rearrange the livingroom.
S: It IS my bedroom.
R: Yeah. So if you want to put the brown chair on the orange chair with the TV on top, you can.
S: This isn't Dr. Seuss you know. Those things don't work in real life.